Tuesday, October 13, 2009

how to beat off a bad guy:

so i dunno who reads this, and who really knows who reads your blog anyway. cause it's like i could probably google anyone and find their blog, probably. anyway, but yeah, i don't really know who does. but i'm guessing if you do, you should probably know how to fight off a bad guy. so i'm gonna tell you, cause i have. you know, beaten off a bad guy, if you will. (side note: i'm really into commas these day, it's like a new obsession of mine. when i write papers for school i like to comma the heck, okay, hell, out of them. i think it makes me seem more smart, or something.) 

so anyway, this post stems from an encounter i had leaving work a few weeks ago. some dude followed me to my car and tried to get in. it was pretty crazy, and i wish i could tell you i jujitsu'd the heck, okay, hell out of him. but i didn't. nor did i run him over with my car or stab him in the eye with my keys. no, none of those things even crossed my mind. they say adrenaline kicks in in times like those, but if that's what adrenaline feels like, i'm screwed. i couldn't even say  my name, let alone karate chop him in the privates. (i first typed balls, but then maybe kids are reading this, and i don't know if that is atomically correct, which leads me to this other funny story i have to insert here, so last weekend i was in Vegas and i ordered some garlic breadstick things, and when the guy brought them to me i was like i ordered breadsticks, and he was like "well these are breadsticks just ball shaped..... i mean ball sized.... i mean..." then walked away mumbling. ba ha.) i could barely tame my shaky hands or swallow the lump in my throat. yeah so i would say that my adrenaline is pretty worthless. luckily i had enough sense to lock the car doors. 

k so you are probably wondering, well when is she going to tell me how to beat off a bad guy when she has obviously proven she can't. well my friends, while i was filing a police report on the incident the officer told me something that i thought was a pretty great weapon, he said "as humans we are blessed with intuition, and you followed that today" he also said "you don't live in happy valley young lady, you're lucky to be alive" and other sentences that scared the crap, okay, shit out of me.

so i don't know if you caught that in the last paragraph but the secret to fighting off a bad guy is your intuition, heart, holy ghost, whatevs you prefer. i like to think that somebody was watching out for me that day, and for that, i am grateful.


Tami Anderson said...

I am so very proud of you my dear. I really wish that Dad would have found the guy and beat the crap...okay, poop, out of him...or shot him with his awesome blowdart gun!

Ali said...

well these are ball shaped, i mean... ball sized.. uh...

then i proceeded to eat m shredded lettece and dressing salad. such a great night.

also, thats why we need to be in the MMA club!

Jodi said...

Melissa, I haven't talked to you in like 4 years, which makes me seem like a bit of a creeper right now, but I was doing my weekly blog hopping and I ended up here. I probably would have peed my pants and died had I been in the situation you were in. Glad you're okay.

Trista said...

I always think that I would fight back, but in that situation I'd probably either curl up in the fetal position becoming completely helpless or run the hell outta there. You did a good thing.