Wednesday, January 20, 2010

detox: don't read this.

so this is probably going to be one of those posts where you're not quite sure what i'm talking about but you could maybe think you know and make your own assumptions and possibly feel uplifted and enlightened. or you could feel like you have no idea what i am even talking about and then get pissed at me because you just wasted precious moments of your life. kind of how i feel when i read emily dickinson. sometimes i feel awesome and sometimes i am like WTF? anyway, so just proceed with caution, i guess.

so there's been this... um.. thing in my life that has just been eating away at me. i have been feeling like it's my never-ending lot in life that i will just have to deal with. i really thought that there was no escape. (and maybe i just made this thing in my life sound larger than it actually was, but it was large, to me, so just go right ahead thinking that it is large.) anyway, so after a while i was just like, thinking that i had weighed all my options and i was ready to just come to terms with this awfulness and not try to fix it anymore. and then this idea popped into my head. and this idea was simple, all i thought was "get rid of it". and when i thought this thought, i honestly laughed out loud. so i guess you could say i lol'd. really though, isn't that funny? i have been stressing over this problem for.... a long time, and then all the sudden it was like BAM. "hey idiot, why not just get rid of it?" and so that's what i did. i ridded it of my life. and even funnier than that thought is that it actually worked. and even funnier than that is that i had thought this thought before (i think this is the "emily dickinson" part i was referring to earlier, feel free to stop reading now) and just thought the thought was too funny to even consider. so i didn't. and now that i have, boyyy am i glad i did. after i just "got rid of it" i realized what i'd been missing out on this whole time. a world of wonderful people and things right in front of my eyes.

i had to tell you that story to help you understand what i've had on my mind all day. when i was little and when i would tell my mom that she (or someone else) had put me in a bad mood she would say "no one can make you in a bad mood but yourself. you control your mood." and if you know me, you know i'm pretty logical, and in all of my 22 years of life this may be the most logical thing i've ever heard. and as a young child i remember feeling all kinds of angry that i had no clever rebuttal because that is the cleverest rebuttal of all. and yeah i know that events happen and it affects your surroundings and it's healthy to feel real emotion, but i think as a people we carry it for far too long, we miss that step where we free ourselves.

so in this new year, why not do a little detox and get rid of it?


Ali said...

soooo happy about this detox. emily dickinson does that to me too, like every time i read her. how about we do a real detox, like one of those ones that cleanses the body? k.

Tami said...

Do you know how much I love you?